December 31, 2018

tw: suicide

I'm transported back to that day

I start to hear voices

My body paralyzes with guilt

My family says to forgive myself

I know they’re right,

yet I find myself here

My eyes start to flood

I begin to hyperventilate

I no longer feel sane

I run to the bathroom

I lock the door

I hear a knock and it’s mom

I open the door to her worried face

She saved me that night

Ever since then

I’ve learned what I mean to others

I’ve learned what I mean to myself

I’ve learned there is more to life

I’ve learned to stay alive

I no longer picture the flowers

I no longer picture the casket

I’ve always wanted to thank her

But I can never let her know

the things I had planned

for that night