Humans Of: Valeria

Me: “What do you think was the most difficult thing our family went through and why?”

Valeria: “Most difficult thing would probably be Nino’s death or probably from when he first got sick and hospitalized. I feel like that tore apart the tíos and tías because not everyone was doing their part. Everyone was just kind of stressing and letting that out on each other. But, Nino’s death really affected Nina and that was another thing that they had trouble with.”

Me: “So, when we started to see the family fall apart, did that affect you in any way?”

Valeria: “I feel like it didn’t, but because it didn’t affect me that much. I felt so distant from my dad’s side of the family and I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be sad or even cry at his funeral. I didn’t really know what was going on; he was just at the hospital, then at home, then died. But, I would hear my dad complain about feeling like no one cared or wanted to put effort. I think seeing my dad hurt was what hurt me.”

Me: “Well, how about the cousin side of things? Like, obviously since our tías and tíos didn’t wanna see each other, we couldn’t see each other. That was when my depression really started to hit me because you guys were my biggest source of happiness.”

Valeria: “In my opinion, from Nino getting sick moving forward, I think that’s when I got really close with you guys. We saw each other pretty much every week since our parents were the ones that stayed on top of taking care of Nino. After Nino and Nina’s death, I felt like there was no reason to see the family anymore besides some holidays. So, I just felt like we were going back to normal and not seeing each other every week. I thought that was normal because the same thing happened when my grandma fell in a coma, my uncle died, and when my aunt died; we only saw family because we needed to.”

Me: “Yea, I totally get you. I mean, even before all the hospital visits I felt super close to you guys, but once him and Nina started to actually get sick, it felt impossible to do since we were already so close, but we got EVEN closer. Like, all of us seeing Nino getting taken away by the ambulance, crying together at Loma Linda, and just running around the cafeteria trying to make sense of it all. Same with Nina’s funeral. There was something about you guys hearing my speech that made me feel like we all connected through it because it was what we were all feeling but was so hard to say.”

Valeria: “100% your speech is a core memory for me in realizing that Nina was gone and we couldn’t see each other anymore.”

Me: “Now looking back at it, did this change you as a person at all?”

Valeria: “I would say it did. It made me fear death more. Ever since the eighth grade, I’ve had a relative die every year. Nina and Nino were in this timeline so it made me think for a long time that I was gonna lose someone every year. It helped me get closer to my dad’s side because after this, I felt like I started to talk more, only because I had spent so much time with you guys and all the tías and tíos. It also helped me appreciate my parents more. My dad doesn’t have parents that are alive anymore, and I should be taking advantage of the time that I have with him because he could be gone whenever. The same goes for my mom obviously.”

Me: “Me too, man. I mean, we both saw them die at such a young age. Way too young. I was eleven when Nino died, so you were thirteen, right? So,

when Nina died, I was fourteen and you were sixteen?”

Valeria: “No, I think I was seventeen. 2018? Even still..damn. I forget that you’re that much younger than me. Like, eleven? Too much.”

Me: “Man, after Nino died, that’s when I started getting diagnosed with all these different things, but ESPECIALLY after Nina. I just became so paranoid. I couldn’t look at life normally anymore, and I still can’t. It just totally warped my view of reality. Obviously besides their passing, the hardest thing was not seeing you guys every second of the day. We literally grew up WITH each other, and then to suddenly be stripped away from you guys like that was an absolute nightmare. What hurt even more was that our parents, tías, and tíos straight up did not give a shit. They all had so much pride to see each other or whatever had been going on. I remember always asking to see you guys and the answer would always be no.”

Valeria: “Yea, you would think that after losing both parents they’d want to be with each other and help one another, but they were all just mad at no one in particular and didn’t want to see each other. I also remember asking my dad if we were gonna go to someone’s house on a Saturday, and him saying those days are over was really odd. Like, it was a habit to see all of you.”

Me: “Sometimes I still hold a lot of resentment towards our Tío Hilario. How do you just screw over your brother like that? And, to such an extent that you were the reason we couldn’t see each other just because you’re so greedy.”

Valeria: “You’re talking about my dad right?”

Me: “Yea, my Tío Ernesto.”

Valeria: “Yea, and the sucky thing is that my dad doesn’t ‘care’ about it. He just tells my mom to get over it but, like, sir, why aren’t you mad? And, the fact that Nino had told him before to not put that much trust in Hilario.”

Me: “I think about that all the time, like what Nino said. It’s like he knew what Hilario’s plans were.”

Valeria: “It’s crazy that he knew him so well to the point where he told his son to not trust his brother like that. It also sucks because I love my tía, Fatima, and Steven so much and they’re nothing like him.”

Me: “Whenever we’re on the phone with them, I just can’t comprehend that THAT’S their dad, and our tía’s husband."

Valeria: “My mom was so close with my tía before to the point where we’d randomly go to their house and the mall, but not anymore.”

Me: “But, moving on to a more light hearted thing to end this interview on a better note, what’s your favorite memory from our childhood?”

Valeria: “I don’t think I have a specific favorite

Memory. I just think it’s a collection of all the times we spent together in that small hot ass room making videos, or just talking about who knows what. I miss that a lot. But leaving you in the hospital is a close second…”

Me: “I WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU GUYS FOR THAT LMFAOOOO I WAS TERRIFIED. But, of course, I can’t help but laugh at it now.”

Valeria: “HAHAHA, LIKE, A WHOLE ASS HOSPITAL.”

Me: “Y’ALL WERE RUTHLESS. I definitely just miss everyday with you guys too and all the stupid things we’d do. Like, all our “tattoos,” iMovies, sardines, hide and go seek, and taking the shortcut to the liquor store and be TERRIFIED whenever we’d hear those dogs bark. I also miss when Christmas was CHRISTMAS, then our nieces and nephews came along HAHA. If I could scream at Diego and Rosie, I would.”

Valeria: “Bruh!! The tiendita!! Yea...they should’ve never had kids.”