Just Friends

This is for my friend. Just. A. Friend.

It’s ironic, really

Whenever I mention you to a friend

they always question our relationship

After all, it’s me you help mend

Your mind and soul is like no other I’ve

ever known before

The words you form, the way you speak

I find it so warm

You are truly the most brilliant person I’ve

ever met

Your mind shines on all those who see it

The thoughts you shape, the theories you construct

It’s absolutely mesmerizing

The jokes you make, your wild stories

They are my beguilement

These are all what incline me to feel this way

These are all what extricate me.

To speak these words to you is something I will

never do

You’re in love with someone else

and that I can’t change, nor will I try to

I’ve learned to suppress and withhold these

emotions

The more time my mind was surrounded by these

thoughts, the more I felt like I was committing a

crime

Alas, the feeling that was once there is gone

I still find myself wondering

what it would be like to dance with you,

as we intertwine our souls together while the

music overrides our consciousness

I still find myself picturing us

on the top of my roof,

and what it would be like to lay in silence

next to each other while our ears indulge

in what we believe are the perfect sounds of

our favorite music

I still find myself thinking

what it would be like to be loved by you.

I lied.

I’m jealous.

Whenever you mention her, I feel so dismal

and so omit

I know I’m not your first choice, even though

it’s something you choose to not admit

You’ll only ever see me as a friend

That is something I need to discern.

She’s the first you tell good morning

She’s the first you tell about the dream you had last night

She’s the first you tell about your day

She’s the first you tell goodnight

She’s the first you tell everything.

I used to be your first choice.

I’m scared that you’ll leave me

I’m scared because why need me when you have her?

I’m scared because this has happened before.

This isn’t something sexual

It’s not about your body

It’s not about your face

But I hate to think about you

with somebody else.